Music first or disability first? This is the question posed by Canadian disabled musicologist Stefan Sunandan Honisch at the start of his article of the same name, ultimately asking: “What is the difference between being a disabled musician and an able musician who happens to be disabled?”

For me, this question and its answer are ever evolving. As a disabled musician, and especially a composer and performer writing music for my physicality and embodiment, the exchange between music and disability continually fluctuates. Sometimes my artistic decisions are driven by a musical direction and sometimes by a disability direction. The ultimate challenge, however, is adequately representing these directions in order to advocate for disability in musical contexts, where it is typically feared, shunned and stigmatised.

Growing up musically, it was clear that most musical instruments are made for specific abilities. Unlike dance and visual art, where consideration of the body has grown to be considered free of physical norms and restrictions, music has consistently been tied to instruments with specific physical expectations of the performer, such as the common violin, piano, or even vocal performance. This was evident in my musical development. I was involved in a car accident at the age of seven that nearly amputated my left hand. Before the accident I played violin, and following the accident played cello and trumpet through adaptive means (such as playing cello backward, bowing with my left hand via a splint). However, when attempting to play these instruments, even through adaptive methods, I was in conflict with the instruments’ physical expectations of my body, specifically my left hand, such as using the cello’s fingerboard or properly supporting the trumpet’s weight. These expectations were something I was never going to conform to, and standards that were never going to conform to me. At the time, this unconsciously motivated me to explore music composition more, through which I did not have to consider what my left hand could or could not do. Thus at the time, the answer to the “disability first or music first” question was “music first”. I attempted to conform physically to the music rather than having the music and musical means and methods conform to my physicality.

When I started undergraduate studies, the student affairs office wanted to notify the music faculty of my impaired left hand because of the potential accommodations needed. I was horrified by the prospect of the composition faculty finding out about me because of my disability rather than my music. As an eighteen year old, I had never been labelled as disabled in previous schooling, and felt a real reckoning point with the then forced label of disability, as something forcing me to choose the “disability first” route rather than consciously and intentionally choosing it.

As my practice developed, I realised that my disabled experience is an inherent way I interact with the world and an essential channel to producing work. Much of this thinking has been developed by the discovery of disability studies and the rich world of disability arts, where artists across disciplines cultivate new work grounded in the experience of disability. This has encouraged me to embrace and recognise my disability as a critical source of creativity. Rather than conform my physicality to the music, I cultivate the music from my physicality.

Thus for me, the answer has turned to “disability first”. I would rather the world become more aware of disability and its ramifications through my work. In my opinion, disability considerations have the most wide-ranging consequences, with disability being the largest yet perhaps least acknowledged minority (26% according to 2020 CDC report, 15% worldwide in WHO/World Bank 2011 Report on Disability). Additionally, disabled individuals are often the least employed, with the employment rate for disabled individuals nearly 40% less than non-disabled individuals (2021 report by US Department of Labour). I believe these figures are often not known among the public, especially as disability is an identity that is often stigmatised and feared.

Therefore, for me the “disability first” answer has become most critical. I seek to explore the artistic and musical ramifications from this, in continually investigating disability as a creative source that all can learn from and engage with.



Read Jo Hutton's reviews of Molly Joyce's album Perspective in The Wire 466. Subscribers can also read the review via the online magazine library.